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Your Ex is Moving on Yet You Can’t!

by Mar 23, 2020Advice, Coaching, Dating0 comments

The divorce is final and you’re supposed to be excited about a brand-new start yet you can’t seem to get your groove back.

Seems like your ex sure is! He’s dating someone else and posting couples selfies all over Social Media.  You deleted him as a friend after the first post, yet your friends send you screenshots anyway. You have mutual friends and somehow, you end up seeing his annoying love-struck face all over. It makes getting back in the game super difficult watching your former “Romeo” make duck faces with his new Juliet. How exactly are you supposed to find a new happily-ever-after when you’re feeling so lousy watching your former love move on, while you struggle with anger and sadness?

It’s time to move on for good (in your mind, and not just legally) even if your heart is still really hurting. Not only is it completely possible, but it will help you heal and start to feel better, day by day.

Ready to start smiling again and stop looking like a hung-over, puffy, red-eyed collegiate?

Try these mindful tips:

Take it day by day

It’s likely your ex won’t marry this person and very likely you will meet someone amazing and not care about your ex one day.

Your life isn’t doomed.

Focus on a day at a time, rather than diving into a whole glum mental “re-write” of your horrible life after divorce.

What can you do today to help yourself?

Pick just one thing you can do to help yourself:

  • Refuse to talk about your ex for the day
  • Ask friends not to share photos or information about your ex or bring up his name
  • Take a walk and get some exercise
  • Try a little meditation to calm your breathing (and crying)  
  • Plan something fun, like a virtual chat with your gal pals or watch a funny movie

Do not try to predict the future. You’re not a fortune-teller. Just take it a day at a time, with the intention of feeling better for that particular day. Once you have one good day, you will start to accumulate other “good days.”

If you can’t manage a full day, focus on one hour! When you feel happy, whether it’s for five minutes or five hours, make a note of it. What were you doing when you felt happy? Is this a behavior or action you can repeat? Cherish that happy moment.

You’ve got this!

Remember the grass is always greener on the other side

You’re seeing duck face cuddly photos with gushing statements like, “Finally met the real one!”  on Facebook, but you have no idea how your ex’s relationship is in reality.

Consider how “good” your marriage looked on social media at times when it clearly wasn’t good at all.

For all you know, your ex’s new fling is dealing with the same junk you did when you were married.

Their relationship could be terrible. He could even be grieving over the loss of the marriage without saying so. People put on faces. You don’t know what’s really going on under all that lovey-dovey facade.

Don’t compare your lives. You are not in competition with your ex! You are in competition with your former self to make a happier and better life.

Look at yourself: where do you want to go, who do you want to be and how will you get there?

It’s time to get excited about you!

Who are you? What sort of choices did you make that contributed to your bad marriage?

Who do you want to become? What do you like about yourself? What don’t you like? Are there things you can change? Have you taken stock in some goals you’d like to achieve?

  • Going back to school to change careers, or move up in your career
  • Trying a hobby you’ve always wanted to learn
  • Starting therapy or meeting with a life coach to work on self-defeating/limiting behaviors and confidence
  • Taking chances at work
  • Making an effort to eat healthily and exercise

Take an inventory of yourself and who you are and who you want to become instead of obsessing over your ex’s new girlfriend and how she looks, acts, etc.

Why channel all of your energy into heartache when you could be putting energy into yourself?

You are not in a race or competition with your ex. Instead of comparing your lives and beating yourself up over the divorce, it’s time to take a good look at yourself and decide what you want the next year of your life to look like. With healthy choices, a positive outlook and determination, you can move on past your ex and onto a better next chapter.

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