5 Reasons You Should Move Foward with Divorce
Should you get divorced?
I’m a firm believer in living your truest life. If things aren’t working, it’s in your power to change them. Whether it’s taking direct action like quitting your job or changing your perspective about the situation – was it a disaster or a learning experience – for example. When it comes to making the decision to divorce, because of the magnitude of the decision, couples often decide to wait it out. Wait for the kids to graduate, wait until I get a better job, or simply see how much longer I can tolerate my current situation.
Chances are that if you’re contemplating divorce, your marriage has come to a crossroads. The fact that divorce is even on the table probably means it’s inevitable at some point. Now, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go to marriage counseling or make a concerted effort to stay together, however, if you know that you’re going to get divorced at some point, why wait?
I’m not an advocate for divorce. On one hand, it’s my business but that doesn’t mean I want people to go through a very difficult process. On the other hand, why continue to suffer and tolerate your marriage? Don’t you and your spouse have the right to move onto a better situation?
Why should you move forward with divorce?
1. Assuming you’re financially secure, the longer you’re married, the more the monied spouse will pay in support, the more assets there are to divide.
2. You have no idea what will happen in the future. One client of my colleague waited 3 years to divorce only to have her husband lose his job which now makes her the primary breadwinner and therefore obligated to pay support to him. Had they divorced earlier, there would’ve been two incomes to divide.
3. There’s an emotional toll on you and your family. If you’re mentally checked-out you are likely demonstrating it either intentionally by being passive-aggressive or outwardly aggressive, or, unintentionally demonstrating it by not displaying much emotion towards your spouse. Your children bear witness to your behavior every day. They sense the tension and your relationship with your spouse becomes their model. Is that the relationship you want your children to have in their futures?
4. You may have decided to wait until the children finish high school and go to college. Interestingly, older children have a really hard time with divorce too. While younger children can adapt fairly well in the right circumstances, for older children, their foundation is rocked. Holidays are no longer in one place, their loyalties are questioned if they stay with one parent over another when they come home from school, and in addition to figuring out how to be independent and responsible in college, they are navigating a whole new paradigm in their family life.
5. And finally, don’t you deserve to be happy? We are living longer and have more opportunities for change and growth than ever before, why limit yourself to an unhappy relationship that holds you back? If you were married for half your adult life, shouldn’t the next half be even better?
Getting divorced is emotional and overwhelming, with the right preparation and mindset and taking a planful approach, you’ll get through it, life will go on and you’ll get your chance to live a long, happy life of your choosing.
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