Whether or not to date while you’re still in the divorce process is a very personal decision. I have some clients who won’t even entertain the idea of another relationship before the ink is dry on their divorce decree, and others who use dating as a welcome escape from the difficulties of getting divorced.
There are no right or wrong choices. There are however, several things to consider before you begin dating while divorcing:
1. Is you head in it? Chances are good that you’re very emotional right now. Whether it’s anger or sadness or anxiety or all of the above, you’re in a very vulnerable place right now. Your natural tendency is to look for solace and support wherever you can get it. There are certain types of individuals that love to prey on people in distress and take advantage of their vulnerability. Just when you let your guard down, feel like you’ve found someone who ‘gets it’, they disappear adding yet another element to your emotion filled mind.
2. Are you looking for a new relationship too soon? You may think your marriage is behind you – you live separately, custody has been worked out, seems like the perfect opportunity to find someone new. Spoiler alert! Have you figured out what went wrong in your marriage? Why you chose your spouse? Are you confident that you won’t repeat the same mistakes? Second and third marriages have much higher divorce rates, often because people repeat the same patterns without ever figuring out what they are.
3. What’s your perspective on dating someone who’s not divorced yet? If you’re not okay with it, then you might rethink your own motivations.
4. Have you figured out your children’s schedules? You may be ready to meet someone new but your kids aren’t. Make sure they’re not part of the process until they’re really ready.
5. Can you date without getting attached and be open about it? I have some clients who really enjoy meeting new people and trying new experiences, especially after a long marriage. There’s nothing wrong with it as long as you’re safe and know your own boundaries. Getting intimate with someone new can be very exciting as long as you can handle it.
Dating is an adventure that can ultimately lead you to a healthy, happy relationship if you approach it with the right mindset at the right time.
Join me Friday, October 18th at 6pm for Dating in a New World Workshop.