5 Questions to Ask Yourself About Your Anger

Karen BigmanBlog, Divorce Process


One of the strongest emotions people feel during the divorce process is anger. Anger clouds your thinking and causes emotional decision-making. It also creates a defensive posture from the recipient of the anger and, slows down the divorce process. Here are a few things to ask yourself if you find your anger getting the best of you:

  1. Is acting out of anger serving me or is it just making me even angrier? How will I feel after I direct my emotions towards my spouse?
  2. Is the recipient of my anger hearing and listening to me?
  3. Am I an angry person under normal circumstances?
  4. What are my kids hearing and seeing?
  5. Is this the way I want to live?

While letting go of your anger is easier said than done, taking a step back can certainly help.

  1. When you feel your anger about to get the best of you, instead of directing at a person, try using the energy for something physical like running or jumping. If you need to scream, scream-just not at anyone! Perhaps your pillow or a stuffed animal will work, or running outside and screaming into the sky.
  2. Take 3 deep breaths and count to 10. (You might try this before #1)
  3. Now ask yourself, do you still want to focus your anger on your spouse?

It can be that simple. Just slowing down your brain and getting a bit of distance from the thoughts that are causing anger can be a great way to reduce the stress you’re feeling. Try it!