Are You Angry at Your Soon-to-be Ex?

Karen BigmanBlog, Coaching, Divorce Process

One of the strongest emotions people feel during the divorce process is anger. Anger clouds your thinking and causes emotional decision-making. It also creates a defensive posture from the recipient of the anger and, slows down the divorce process. Here are a few things to ask yourself if you find your anger getting the best of you:

  1. Is acting out of anger serving me or is it just making me even angrier? How will I feel after I direct my emotions towards my spouse?
  2. Is the recipient of my anger hearing and listening to me?
  3. Am I an angry person under normal circumstances?
  4. What are my kids hearing and seeing?
  5. Is this the way I want to live?

While letting go of your anger is easier said than done, taking a step back can certainly help.

  1. When you feel your anger about to get the best of you, instead of directing at a person, try using the energy for something physical like running or jumping. If you need to scream, scream-just not at anyone! Perhaps your pillow or a stuffed animal will work, or running outside and screaming into the sky.
  2. Take 3 deep breaths and count to 10. (You might try this before #1)
  3. Now ask yourself, do you still want to focus your anger on your spouse?

It can be that simple. Just slowing down your brain and getting a bit of distance from the thoughts that are causing anger can be a great way to reduce the stress you’re feeling. Try it!