It’s Just Not Fair!

Karen BigmanBlog, Co-Parenting, Coaching, Divorce Process

equitable divorce

New York State is an “Equitable Distribution” state. This translates to dividing assets, equitably, not necessarily equally. Financial negotiations typically revolve around what the assets actually are and what each party needs to live and support the children. The challenge of equitable distribution is determining what actually is equitable.

If I get the family home and you get the vacation home, is that equitable? If you get the retirement accounts and I get the investment accounts is that equitable? What about the furniture and jewelry? How do we divide that equitably?

In an uncontested divorce, both parties want a “fair” settlement. But what’s fair? Typically, your “fair” and my “fair” are not the same and that’s where the breakdown happens. It’s important not to lose sight of what’s at stake. Having goals for how you want to proceed through your divorce is the best way to proceed. Staying true to your values and being realistic for you and your spouse regardless of how you feel about them, is paramount to resolving the issues and coming up with a solution.

1.    Think about who you want to be at the end of the process. Do you want to be angry and bitter or accepting and hopeful?

2.    What about your children? What would it mean for them if you and your spouse had a long, acrimonious divorce process?

3.    How much is at stake? Would you rather have the money in your own pocket or your lawyer’s?

4.    Do you want to have a civilized relationship with your ex-spouse in the future? They will always be your children’s parent.

Ask yourself some tough questions. Remember, sometime in the future the divorce will be over and life will go on, how do you want to live?

Having difficulty letting go of the anger? Contact me for a Complimentary Coaching Consultation!