Finding Happiness While Dealing with Divorce

Karen BigmanBlog, Divorce Process

A smile is happiness you’ll find right under your nose –Tom Wilson

It’s almost impossible to imagine a happy future when you’re going through a divorce. Many emotions storm through your body, happiness is typically not one of them. Divorce is lonely, sad, hurtful, disruptive-feelings not typically associated with happiness. Just when you need to make clear-headed, rational decisions, your brain is in fight or flight mode making that next to impossible.

Research shows that only 25% of success in the workplace is predicted by IQ, 75% is your optimism level. The same parallel can be drawn in your personal life. If you see your marriage as a failure, only finding the negatives that have resulted from your divorce, you’re chance of moving forward with a happier future decreases significantly: “it’s the lense through which your brain views the world that shapes your reality and if we can change the lense, … we change your happiness.”1 If you can change the way you view divorce and your situation, you can change the way you feel and the ultimate outcome of your life.

I consistently hear about how the following activities, done regularly, have a positive impact on feelings of happiness and fulfillment: being mindful, generous and grateful and recording your personal accomplishments.

Here are some simple ways you too can find some happiness in divorce:

1.   Try meditation. Headspace app offers 3 minute to 20 minute options. The Calm app uses soothing background sounds. Try listening to at least one everyday-it doesn’t have to be at the same time, just do it to get in the habit.

2.   Be generous with your time, money, whatever you can. There are some great Ted talks about generosity and happiness.

3.   Start a gratitude journal. Try writing at least 3 different things you are grateful for every day.

4.   Document your daily accomplishments, no matter how small. Journaling about 1 positive thing helps you relive it.

Adding a moment or two of positive emotions to your day will surely pave your path of healing from your divorce.

 

Footnotes:

1.    Shawn Achor-“The Happiness Advantage: Linking Positive Brains to Performance