Divorce can be the worst experience you go through but it doesn’t have to be. Arm yourself with knowledge and you’re more likely to weather the storm a little better. Often, it’s the fear of the process that makes it worse than the actual event. Here are a few misconceptions I’ve seen along the way:
- My attorney knows what’s best for me: Your attorney is an expert on the law. He or she should know the likelihood of certain outcomes based on the facts and the law, that doesn’t always equate to what’s best for you. Only you know what’s best for you. If your attorney is pushing you to go one way but your gut is strongly sending you in another, step back and think it through-you’re the one who will have to live with the consequences, not your attorney!
- An amicable divorce will be easy: Indeed going through the process without a lot of fighting makes the process much smoother, that doesn’t necessarily mean it will be easy. Splitting lives, separating families and parting with certain assets is going to be heart breaking. Having a less contentious process will help your divorce go more smoothly and hopefully, take a lot less time.
- I can appeal to the emotions of my narcissistic spouse: Trying to reason with a true narcissist is like trying to explain human concepts to a dog. The dog will look at you exactly as if he understands then go do what he was planning to do anyway. I’ve seen clients have the best of intentions and the best approach to having a ‘reasonable’ conversation with their narcissistic ex, unfortunately, they speak a different language. Unfortunately, you have to learn how to communicate with a narcissist on different terms.
- The kids will be a mess if we get divorced: Research shows that children suffer more from the conflict surrounding divorce than from the divorce itself. Kids are resilient and want their parents to be happy. If you can understand and support them properly through the breakup, they will always be children of divorce, but they will grow up to be healthy adults.
- My life is over, it will never get better! Yes, your life is changing and yes, life as you know it is over, however, this is an incredible opportunity to start again. Make new friends, start a new job, decorate a new home, it’s all in how you look at it. There are tons of stories of people who overcame difficult divorces only to find life after divorce is so much better (this author included)!
Take some time to educate yourself, consult someone who can help you work through your concerns like a Divorce Coach and before you know it, you’ll be seeing life through a different lense.