Dating In A New World

Karen BigmanDating, Events

dating relationships divorce happyeverafter

Hi there!

Nice smile!

I know we’re a perfect match!

After 2 years as a single woman, I decided it was time to really embrace online dating. Like most of my middle-aged peers I was apprehensive at the thought of putting myself ‘out there’ in a place where I didn’t know who I was giving the information to.

I reasoned with myself, where else was I going to have such a large pool of ‘candidates’ to choose from?  I certainly wasn’t finding it through friends and relatives. Sitting home every night alone was seriously depressing me.

I did some research (Laurie Davis of eFlirtExperts.com was a speaker at one of my events) and with a little apprehension I followed her advice:

  1. There are ‘apps’ (Tinder, Bumble etc.) and ‘sites’ (Match.com, OkCupid.com etc.). Depending on your desire for information (face it most of us are superficial on the first glance so I’ll equate the two approaches on the photo level) you could choose an app vs. a site, or both.
  2. Reach out at least 10 times per week. 10 TIMES!!! I realized this was going to be a full time job.
  3. It’s okay for a woman to reach out to a man first.
  4. If there’s enough information available, ask a question related to something the ‘candidate’ likes. For example:  I see you ran the NY Marathon, any thoughts on the upcoming Boston one?
  5. Be yourself. If you’re a serious intellectual who likes to read and stay home cuddling on Saturday night, don’t say you love the outdoors and can’t wait to hike Mt. Everest
  6. Have at least 3-7 photographs including at least one ‘full body’ shot. Personally, I shy away from the ‘bikini’ shot and usually don’t get too excited about the ‘muscle’ shots on the candidate profiles.
  7. Make sure your photographs are current. You’re not likely to get a second date if you’re photo shows you 10 years ago and then your date meets you and sees otherwise.
  8. Don’t pass up the ‘maybes’. In Laurie’s experience, her clients have more success with the ‘maybes’ than the ‘definitely’s’.  Getting your personality across online is not straightforward.
  9. The more active you are, the more your profile will come to the top. Change it up, add new photos.
  10. Don’t take it too seriously if someone doesn’t respond. You have no idea what the reason is.
  11. Don’t give out your last name until you’ve met unless you know someone in common. Google is very powerful!

So I took Laurie’s advice and began my search.  My preliminary findings on Tinder were great, lots of mutual matches, my list was long.  My email list-not so long.

My unscientific conclusion: Tinder provides instant satisfaction when you’re bored but for the most part (at least in the ‘middle-aged’ group), there aren’t too many people who take it seriously and write you in search of a date.  I did get some emails with sexual innuendo-not my thing but that might work for some.

When speaking to others in my situation, although Tinder has the reputation of a ‘hook up site’, I don’t think my peers (middle-aged women) are looking to hook-up necessarily, I think it’s hard to strike up a real conversation with so little information about you.

My success-yes I found someone terrific-was with Match.com but the process was definitely ‘interesting’ to say the least!

For more details, tips and techniques for Online Dating, join me Friday, April 27th in Stamford, CT , for ‘Dating In A New World’ Workshop. More details available at TheDivorcierge.com.